Lessons

Today I got my first driving lesson. I don't have any sort of license, but that 20 metre crawl from one end of the street to the other was the best rush I've had in many moons. With Dad in the front seat and my Mum laughing hysterically at my nerves in the back, I began my adventure into the world of motoring. From its' tentative beginning to the jerky end, it was one of the first times I've really felt close to my Dad. Don't get me wrong, we spend lots of time together, but sometimes we're like two different people from two different families, with different interests and different personalities and it makes communication difficult. But today, having him coach me through this simple little lesson was a great feeling.

I guess there are lessons in life all the time. At the moment, I'm finding it pretty hard to decipher what my purpose, my lesson, is on this earth of late. I've just been resting it up at home, drifting from bed to the computer to the office and back to bed, with a bit of the outside world thrown in once a week. Life goes on endlessly without me and I can seemingly go on endlessly without it within these four walls. So what is the point? Life gets you hurt and burnt and hardened. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say. Why are they the only two options? Why can't life be a pleasant experience which bends to your will? 

And yet I'm drawn deeply to life. I can feel it at the window like a playful kid, beckoning me to come outside and dance. And dance I shall, but what is this purpose of mine? The reason I must go outside into this stream? There's something I'm missing here and I want to know what it is - like a fire I yearn for and yet are unwilling to touch. And until I do, I guess life goes on, with or without me and I'll continue to get these lessons, whether I want them or not. I guess we all just need to find our purpose on this small rock we call earth.

And so I look out and stare at the dancing child before turning away into this vacuum of life and decide to leave those lessons for another day.