Bleeding...

Walking around today I felt like a wounded animal, bleeding onto the floor around me - a deep wound which is pouring me dry. I'd pass people with my happy face and wonder if they saw behind my eyes. Through the mask, the one that says I'm fine and that I'm not hurting. But I am. There were couples everywhere in town today. Happy, lovely couples. And every time I passed each one, they'd stare into my eyes and I'd think for a moment they saw my pain.

I'm just numb. I don't care much about anything anymore. I don't even have the strength to argue with my dad or feel anything but this overwhelming ocean of nothing. Out there is the one I love. I just want to make her happy and protect her and be the one for her. I'm just so confused about the whole affair and as to what I should do. It's like my life is on standby - I may be throwing myself into new situations and experiences, but I know it's only to stop me from topping myself, so in a way, that's a form of waiting as well. So I guess I will be waiting for Vikki, whatever I do. I am just bleeding and no one knows why. But me.