Consideration

Well out of the blue Vikki sent me this message saying thanks for the birthday wishes I sent her. It made me wonder if she was just ignoring all my other messages, because she mentions nothing about our relationship, the questions I want answered or where our relationship is. And she didn't even bother to put "Take care" this time - she just put "TC". You're kidding me right? This sense of pure and simple rage swept over me and I was typing literally 100 words a minute. I can't even remember exactly what I wrote, but there were about 100 fucks and shits mixed in amongst the other angsty scribbles. But seriously, a month and this is what I get?

I am so fucking pissed. Firstly because if you love someone, or have ever loved someone, you don't leave them hanging that long and then send some fucking shitty email which sorts nothing out. Secondly, it makes me wonder if she ever loved me at all. Thirdly, it just fucking sucks. Honestly, it's almost comical, except I'm not seeing the funny side. I'm thinking I shouldn't even be pursuing the idea of getting back together with her. Did I ever really know her? Or was it all just lies? 

All I know is that if she doesn't give me some answers within the next week, she's gone for good. She can send me all the emails she wants after that but I'll cut her loose. You can't do that to people. I'd be ashamed if that was me. If I knew that someone I loved was on the other side of the earth, crying, sad and scared, then I'd be there for them, or at least break up with them respectfully. It's called empathy. Caring. Sensitivity. What Vikki has done is the complete opposite. I don't even know this person she's turned into. And I've never sworn at her once, so this is a new venture for me, of which I'm not proud but very angry so I guess it's my feelings, but Vikki is acting like a bitch. There I said it. Crucify me and label me some girl basher. I don't care because I've put up with so much shit and all I get is an abbreviated version of "take care".

I'm too angry to write, but all I want is a little consideration. Is it too much to fucking ask? If I say I love someone, I mean it. Love is not making someone stress out and cry for a whole month and then pass it off as a passing comment. Love is trying to make the one you love feel special. If I saw my wife or my fiance sitting there crying, small and scared and lonely just wanting some love, I'd be at her side immediately, hugging her and telling her everything was gonna be okay. I'd be there for her, because that's love. Just to see her smile and feel better.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe it's just fucking me...