What's Taking So Long?

Well, the effects of the walk have worn off a little, but I'm still much better than my previous weeks. I just really want to sort things out with Vikki; just get back together with her and make things work. Unless the path we take isn't that way inclined. The feeling in my chest is back again and it always makes me nervous. I've written down what I need to ask, I've sent her everything she needs to know, so why do I still feel this way? It's annoying and makes me wonder what's going to happen. I really do pray everything goes as I plan, you reader already know that life isn't one to abide by my plans, no matter how sound.

The thoughts of not knowing what I'm doing with my life have re-entered my mind and they're driving me crazy. I need to find a purpose soon or I'm just going to become one of those dependent losers needing a woman to feel whole. Maybe I already am one of those. All I know is that this silence, forced or not, is driving me bonkers. I need to speak and to resolve. And it's happened before.

Ever since I was a child, I could never simply sleep on an argument. Not only would I not get any sleep if I tried to, but it would surely only fester. No, for me I had to talk the argument through right then and there until whatever ungodly hour in the morning. Vikki is not like that unfortunately, and not many people in my family are. I don't think anyone close to me gets how bad it feels for me to keep anything locked away inside me. I bet Vikki doesn't even care what this is doing to my internal organs. Sigh.