So I bet you're wondering about the weird title of this post. Well, it's just a little aside story which I thought would be fun to share, since my latest posts haven't been all bright and cheerful. Basically, I think my bed socks took advantage of me. That's right - they obviously took advantage of me sleeping blissfully to perform some sort of sordid act on me. I pulled the sheets off this morning to get up and there they were, lying perfectly on top of each other right next my pillow.
I lay there for the longest time just staring at them thinking "What the fuck" and laughing nervously. I mean, I had no recollection of taking them off, and if I had, would they really have been placed so perfectly next to my pillow of all places? The way they were lying there was just too suspicious for my liking - for all I know they could've been smoking a cigarette and enjoying what could've been a very eventful night for them. No one else moved them, yet I surely would've noticed myself doing that in my sleep as I have in the past. I've been interviewing others from my underwear draw to see what the word is on the street, but so far my search is fruitless. Okay okay, so I'm taking the piss a little, but it is quite strange. It's always good to know you have a little gem locked away for dinner parties such as "I got molested by my bed socks".
No word from Vikki as of yet and I'm sure she's going to use my ultimatum of "Give me answers or there's no chance ever again" as an easy out. Strangely, the bed socks story amongst other things has revitalized me a bit to see the funny side of things again, so I'm not stressing out too much any more. To tell the truth, I'm not even sure I want to be with her myself any more after all the shit she's put me through. I don't think it'd ever be the same. And it's a real shame because at one point, we were quite a team and I really did love her. I can't say for sure now that she felt the same.
I dunno, the periods of happiness and excitement for life have been getting longer and more frequent, while the periods of depression and missing Vikki are growing less and less. It really is the small things - the comic I'm making, cricket games, strange bed socks, even relatives visiting. They all help show there is a life after such a tough time. Sure I still feel sad sometimes, but now, it's getting easier and easier. If I don't hear from Vikki, sure I'll be wondering if there was any chance, but I think I'll cope all the same. I know already that as soon as I decide that I definitely never want to speak to her again that it'll be hard, but I know I'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Heck, even me and my dad sorted a lot of things out tonight. We were heading for the mother of all fights, but it really did turn out brilliantly. We talked for a while before sorting out some really major stuff which had been ruin our relationship. Although overall, it still feels like in some respects my life is falling apart, in others, it is completely improving.
I really don't know how to put everything into words (either because it's too complicated or the week's late nights and early mornings are finally catching up with me) but I certainly could not feel this a month ago. Even a few weeks ago. To everyone dealing with a loss out there, take it from someone who was on the very edge that there is a life after everything. I'm probably not one to be giving out advice, but if my story helps other's to see that it may hurt but that you'll make it through, then I'll be very happy indeed. Just go out and find your own team bonding or your own comic to make. Or even at a stretch (and I wouldn't wholly recommend it) some bed socks with strange habits.
And seriously, I still am curious how they got right up near my pillow.
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